This series will be lengthy, and probably only of interest to close family and a few friends who like to hear all the details. :) I’ll catch up with Months 2 & 3 as I have time. :)
On April 27th, I had absolutely no idea that I might be pregnant. Around 6pm, I innocently walked by the fridge and had a very natural and innocent thought...a baby dill pickle would be really good…so I had one. Then I had another…and ahem, a few minutes later, another. By number 4 or 5 I was beginning to feel rather embarrassed…seriously hoping Wes wouldn’t realize what a pig I was being, but I had the strongest urge to have more!
It just so happened that several times, Wes walked past the kitchen on one of my trips back to the fridge. After a couple of times, he got a funny look on his face and asked rather hesitantly, “Babe? Are you okay?” I stopped…okay this was embarrassing. And what was wrong with me? But I couldn’t seem to help myself. By bedtime, the jar that started out full was dwindling down to the halfway mark and I was starting to get worried. No, not about what was “wrong” with me, but seriously, what was I going to do when the jar was empty?? Haha…it’s been a little while so it sounds absolutely ridiculous to me now, but the feeling was very real at the time. Ha.
I put the jar back into the fridge, deciding I should save some for the morning. When I woke up I snuck to the kitchen again. My breakfast of pickles was most delicious! :) Wes came to eat one before they were all gone. He smiled, looked at me sweetly and said, “Babe, I think you’re pregnant.” I know this sounds crazy, but I was completely shocked…I somehow seriously hadn’t thought of this. Then I laughed – “No, I’m sure I’m not” I said as I finished the pickle I was eating. :) And I was sure. I mean, I would know, right?
A few hours later we were getting ready for a date night we’d had planned all week. I was so excited – this is my favorite time of the week! Wes’s words kept coming back to my mind, but each time they did, I reminded myself of all the reasons I was sure he was wrong. We had a nice dinner, did some shopping, walking, talking (with no interruptions – ahhh) ;) and got back in the car. I’m not sure what it was…maybe just the fact that I hate not knowing things, but I found myself asking, “Would you mind making a quick target stop?”
I went straight to the pregnancy test aisle. I knew it was probably too early to tell even if he were actually right, but I would give it a shot anyway. When we got home, I hugged the kids, tried to act normal around our sitter, and then excused myself for a minute. When I came back, Wes was already in the boys’ room reading through “Journey to The Center of the Earth” before tucking our guys in. I knew it would be a few minutes and I couldn’t wait, so I sent him a text: “You were right.” ;)
Wes finished a little quicker than usual and when he came out he was all smiles! :)
We are so, so very happy and thankful! But in order to be completely honest, I have to tell the whole story, not pretend things are always perfect. Sometimes we tend to tell the good, and leave out the bad, ugly or embarrassing parts because well, they’re embarrassing. I want to be open enough to let people know that all of us struggle, all of us go through times of questioning, and that’s why I think it’s so important that we encourage and truly love each other, not be “perfect” (aka fake).
I had some major emotional struggles in the beginning. You see, some of my friends (one in particular) have gone through some incredibly painful situations recently. When we discovered our exciting news, a couple in our church had just received the news that their first baby won’t be able to survive outside the womb. Another very close friend had just lost her first and long awaited baby around the beginning of her second trimester. This friend, I had been closely involved with during her walk through her valley. And now I was supposed to tell her, “Guess what?!” It didn’t feel at all “fair” that this wonderful gift had been given to me when I wasn’t even planning for it, while their hopes had been dashed, and they were hurting. How could I not seem uncaring and completely thoughtless of their feelings?
I honestly struggled for weeks. I felt guilty to be happy and joyful – they were still hurting. It has been a long process…God had to help me to remember that HE is sovereign…He has plans that we don’t see and cannot humanly understand. The same amazing Heavenly Father that was showing His love to us in giving us this precious baby, was also showing His love and care for them. In different ways, but very equally pouring out His love on us, as my friend will readily and so beautifully testify.
Some of the hardest times in life, are I think the most precious, because it has been during those times in my life, that I have felt my Savior beside me…closer than ever. I have seen more of Him than I had before…things I didn’t know about Him, and things that make me love Him more. I’m crying while I type because I still hurt for them, but I feel such peace knowing that all things are in His control and He is lovingly orchestrating the events of our lives to work out His perfect plan for each of us. He is with them in their time of waiting, and He will also be with me as I face the much different challenge of going from mothering three, to mothering four!
And so we have come through this far, truly grateful and full of joy. Our Father has blessed us abundantly. Each of us.